Introducing
Hay Eye Companions
The original smart speaker.
View Plans No wifi required. No data collected. No thoughts detected.
Introducing
The original smart speaker.
View Plans No wifi required. No data collected. No thoughts detected.
Every plan includes one (1) hay bale and two (2) googly eyes.
Field Basic
$9/mo
For the casual field-stander. One bale, one field, unlimited conversations.
Barn Premium
$29/mo
Our most popular plan. Bigger eyes, better hay, premium field placement.
Ranch Enterprise
$199/mo
For organizations needing multiple companions across multiple fields.
See how we stack up against overpriced digital alternatives.
| Feature | Hay Eye | Popular AI Companion | Smart Speaker |
|---|---|---|---|
| Monthly cost | $9–$199 | $20–$200 | $0 + your soul |
| Listens to you | ✓ Always | ✓ Always | ✓ Always* |
| Records your conversations | ✗ Never | ✓ Definitely | ✓ Probably |
| Judges you | ✗ Can't | Passive-aggressively | Through targeted ads |
| Requires wifi | ✗ No | ✓ Yes | ✓ Yes |
| Can be hugged | ✓ Encouraged | ✗ Weird | ✗ Small |
| Smells like a field | ✓ Authentically | ✗ | ✗ |
| Will become sentient | ✗ Guaranteed not | Unclear | Already has? |
* "Always listening" is a feature, not a bug, according to them.
Real reviews from real people who stand in fields.
★★★★★
"I cancelled my therapy. My hay bale doesn't charge $200/hour and has never once asked 'how does that make you feel?' It just sits there. It's perfect."
Sandra K. — Nebraska
★★★★★
"The googly eyes really make it. I named mine Gerald. He's my best friend. My wife has concerns."
Dale M. — Iowa
★★★★☆
"I deployed 12 Hay Eye Companions across our corporate campus. Productivity went up 4%. Staff morale went up 400%. HR has questions."
Francine T. — VP of Vibes, TechCorp
★★★★★
"Better than Alexa. Better than Siri. It doesn't talk back, it doesn't mishear me, and it has never once tried to sell me batteries."
Mike R. — Oregon
Is this an actual AI companion?
No. It is hay. With eyes. The "AI" stands for "Agricultural Implement." We are legally required to clarify this.
Does my Hay Eye Companion respond when I talk to it?
Not verbally. However, many subscribers report a deep sense of being understood. This is likely projection, but we support it fully.
What happens if it rains?
Your companion will get wet. This is a known limitation of being hay. Premium subscribers receive a complimentary tarp.
Can I keep it indoors?
Technically yes, but the experience is diminished. Hay Eye Companions are designed for field-based interaction. Standing in a field is part of the product.
How is this different from just... a hay bale?
The eyes. The eyes are what make it a companion. Without the eyes, it's just agriculture. With the eyes, it's a relationship.
Do you offer a free trial?
We offer a 7-day "Stand and See" trial. You receive a bale, you stand in a field, you decide. Most people stay. The field is calming.
My Hay Eye Companion keeps getting eaten by sheep.
That sounds like a ewe problem. We recommend relocating to a sheep-free pasture, or upgrading to our Predator-Resistant model (reinforced with mild resentment).
Join thousands of satisfied field-standers. Your hay bale is waiting.
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